Due to its early start, some of you might have missed an hour of Monday Night Raw. I, the newest addition to the Rainbowchair family, Bluechair, will be covering most of what you might have missed.
The first segment of this three-hour Monday Night Raw was allegedly going to be the contract signing between John Cena and Brock Lesnar. As you might have predicted, that didn’t happen. John Laurinaitis came out only to be bombarded by an unfriendly crowd. Laurinaitis announced that, because Lesnar was late, the signing would be postponed until later in the night when Brock would show up. While John Cena stood perplexed in the ring, a shocking Hall of Famer returned just seconds after Laurinaitis’ announcement to give Cena a few words: Edge. Edge made his way to the ring and proclaimed that the John Cena in the ring wasn’t the John Cena that he once remembered. As Edge continued to give Cena a talk, the more he stressed to Cena that he has to win his match at Extreme Rules. The Rated R Superstar then abruptly left the ring.
Chris Jericho made his way to the ring to kick off what would be the first match of this week’s episode. His opponent, Kofi Kingston, came out to an energetic crowd and was looking to get a win over Jericho. As the match progressed, the more intense it became. Jericho and Kofi were putting it all on the line, but one high-risk maneuver from Kofi led to a code breaker to the face from Jericho. Jericho picked up the win, but he wasn’t done just yet. Jericho picked up a mic and scolded Punk and the audience while telling CM Punk that he had a special gift for him. Jericho didn’t say what the contents of the gift were, but that we would find out later on in the night.
The second match of the night was Lord Tensai vs. R-Truth. Since his debut a few weeks back, Tensai has proved to everyone in the WWE that he’s a legitimate threat. He’s currently undefeated, and most of his matches leave his opponents in almost a vegetative state when the final bell rings. This match was no exception. Tensi dominated most of the match before using the mysterious green mist to leave R-Truth almost unconscious. Tensai then pinned Truth to earn another victory.
Kane emerged from the fire to head to the ring and expose Randy Orton. Randy Orton eventually had enough and appeared on the titantron with Kane’s father in a wheelchair. Much like what Kane did to Orton and his father a few weeks back on Smackdown, Orton rolled his father into a freezer and shut the door. But even something as sinister as that didn’t phase The Big Red Machine. Orton then rushed out to the ring before Kane made his way up to the stage. A vicious brawl broke out before Kane eventually fled into the crowd to flee from Orton. Later on in the show, Kane eventually managed to make his way back to the freezer. Kane opened it up, told his father that he didn’t care, and wheeled him back into the dark, cold freezer for good.
The third match of the night, which wasn’t very entertaining, was a tag match between Big Show and Khali vs. Rhodes and Del Rio. Both teams struggled to do much, despite their talent. Kahli and the Big Show picked up the victory. If you missed this match, definitely skip over it.
Jericho returns on-screen only to be confronted by Alex Riley backstage. Riley told Chris that he spotted CM Punk drinking in his locker room backstage. Jericho seemed skeptical at first, but Riley said he would show him. And lo and behold, Punk was seen drinking a bottle of alcohol. Jericho was dumbfounded at what he just witnessed, as was Alex Riley. Later on in the night, because of what he witnessed, Jericho decided to see Laurinaitis to demand a few things. Jericho implored Laurinaitis to vacate the title because of Punk drinking on the job. Laurinaitis agreed with Jericho and told Jericho that a sobriety test would be set up in the ring later in the night to see if Punk was really drunk or not. If Punk was indeed as drunk as Jericho had claimed, Punk would be stripped from the title and would have to hand it over to Jericho immediately.
Brock Lesnar would be next to appear backstage for this next segment. Lesnar was casually strolling his way to his locker room before being stopped for an interview. Lesnar didn’t seem to keen on giving an interview for Josh Matthews. Lesnar manhandled Matthews and propped him up against a production truck before letting him go. Matthews then made a remark, but that ignited Lesnar. Lesnar threw Matthews across the room without even saying a word. If there’s a lesson to be learned from this segment, don’t mess with Brock Lesnar.
The next match on MNR was Beth Phoenix vs. Nikki Bella. Since I didn’t actually watch this match, I can’t comment on it, but apparently Nikki Bella is the new Divas Champion, if anyone cares.
CM Punk’s sobriety test was next. Teddy Long, Jericho, and even some of Detroit’s Police Force were there to ensure a fair test. Punk, while making an unusual entrance to the ring, started to slur his words and stumble around a bit. The cops started the test and told Punk to say his ABC’s backwards. Punk slurred his speech and didn’t get too far before moving on to the next part of the test. Punk attempted to walk in a straight line before stumbling. Jericho had enough and claimed that Punk was drunk. The cops also agreed with Jericho. Jericho demanded to hand him the title, but before Teddy Long could hand it over, Punk said he needed just one more chance. And this time, Punk said his ABC’s backwards without much of a problem and walked confidently in a straight line. It was evident that CM Punk was toying with Jericho throughout the entire test and wasn’t drunk at all. Jericho was irate, but Punk attacked Jericho with the belt and left the ring.
Mark Henry vs. Sheamus was next up on the card. Daniel Bryan was assigned to be the special referee for this match, and because of that, a lot of “yes” chants started up. The match wasn’t anything special, but Mark Henry did pick up the win due to a fast three count by Daniel Bryan.
Another tag team match was about to get started. This would be the second to the last match of the night. Santino and Ryder vs. Primo and Epico. Like any typical MNR tag team match, this one was no different. A few decent spots by Primo and Epico, but Santino and Ryder would predictably pick up the win.
Brodus Clay would make his usual entrance but this time he wasn’t alone. Hornswoggle would accompany the Funkasaurus to make an unusual duo for this tag team match. Their opponents? Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler. The match was characteristic for a Brodus Clay match. Clay and Hornswoggle would pick up the win just shortly after the initial bell. The segment ended with Vickie Guerrero entering the ring only to get bitten in the behind by Hornswoggle.
The contract signing was up next, and for real this time. Lesnar had arrived and made his way to the ring first. Cena’s music hit, but there was no sign of him at all. Before signing the contract, Lesnar had a few propositions to make. He wanted a private jet to fly him to and from every venue, more creative power from Laurinaitis, and that he could show up whenever he pleases. Laurinaitis hesitantly agreed but signed the contract. In return, Lesnar signed on for the match at Extreme Rules. Cena would eventually make his way to the ring, but one thing was different than before: he brought out his old Thuganomics chain. Cena looked horrified. Cena, with the support of the Cenation, signed the contract while Lesnar continued threatening and intimidating Cena. Lesnar would then flip over the table. Cena had his chain griped to his fist while Lesnar had both fists locked and loaded. A fight was about to emerge, but not there. MNR then went off the air.